What do you want? Jesus asked in John 1: “What are you looking for?”
I have always wanted to belong.
This meant fitting in, being accepted, appreciated, tolerated, lovingly challenged, celebrated and when needed forgiven.
Fitting in meant not having a special designation that segregated me from others or brought unwanted attention.
Being accepted meant being one among several or many who was allowed to have high hopes, expresses frustrations and anger, allowed to develop her own skills for success.
Appreciated for special gifts or sensibilities; tolerated for ignorant remarks and lack of knowledge.
Lovingly challenged to improve, to be corrected, to mature.
Celebrated for unique contributions as well as simply for being one of the family.
Forgiven, time and time over, when my words or actions harmed someone.
For now, I don’t feel as though I have found the place I belong.
I Feel a Little Lost from Where I Belong
I’m trying to re-gather all my pieces, to re-member me. But, I can’t quite get it right.
Something important is missing. Something fundamental is missing.
I can’t name it. I don’t know where to find it. I don’t know how to look for it.
I’ve been told I was born with the gift of fortitude.
Fortitude is for survival mode. I’d like to do more than survive.
But, some pieces of me are gone for good now. I can’t be put back together as I was.
I’m waiting for something; something to hear, or see or feel that will give me that central piece I need.
What is that central piece for the rebuilding that must be done?
I’m listening, and watching for the essential thing to rebuild me.
I hope I don’t miss it. I hope I’m looking in the right direction and it doesn’t pass behind me.
Ahh, keeping up with where I think I’m supposed to be is exhausting.
God, you’re going to have to hold onto me because I feel a little lost.